Never is a long time

2.07pm 17 April 2006 Monday

We had a big fight over the weekend and I said I'd stop watching X-Files from now on. I remember MH recommending Ah Wong because it wasn't scary, but I didn't tell her that the one day I was watching it to get my mind off X-Files, I got the one and only scary episode that freaked me out. (When Ah Wong delivered the tang shui to the scary girl in the 2nd eps?) I don't know if I will ever watch X-Files again, but as Scully said, "Never is a long time," so I shan't say never, just... for a long time.

But I realised from Renu's comment about her husband who "never says no" to her, that he never says no to me too. Whatever I wanted, I only had to ask for it and he'd get/do it for me, even if he had to get up from the warm cosy bed to get me a glass of water I'd only take a sip of, or some unnecessary trinket that I liked.

To understand why this is important to me, we must revisit the past. When I was a kid and I wanted to go to Swensen's (an ice cream parlour like Haagen Daaz), I'd ask my mum if we could. Her answer was almost always, "Ask your dad. If you don't ask him, he'll spend the money on another woman anyway. There's nothing to lose if you ask," and I'd ask my dad very apprehensively. You've to understand, to me, at that time, my dad was a formidable, scary man who seldom talked. My only contact with him was during the mornings at breakfast, and in the car. He wasn't like MH's dad who would buy her a stuffed animal whereever he was, and so nothing could be taken for granted. Of course things changed as I grew up, but that thought was always at the back of my mind.

You're very different from most men in my life. Sure, you're sly and cunning and too egoistic to apologise at times, but you almost always show me unconditional love, even when I'm rolling on the bed in pain, or trying to sneak my cold hands and legs into your warm crevices.

It's like a sudden revelation you know? As if it suddenly dawned upon me that... maybe you're a keeper.