It's my life

12.20pm 28 June 2006 Wednesday

So it's now common knowledge that H is leaving next Wednesday and the most common question I've been asked is, "So what will you do now?". After telling everyone the cookie cutter answer repeatedly, I've come to ask myself the same question - What will I do now?

Call me myopic, call me an ostrich, call me whatever you want. I know for sure that marriage is out of the question for now, and as far as I'm concerned, I've no interest in breeding kids. Right now, all I want is a carefree life where I don't have to worry about visa issues nor downpayments. It's lovely to be part of a whole but not when people seem to expect something drastic like an engagement or a marriage. It's a normal relationship, for goodness sakes. I'm not concerned that H is divorced, that he has two kids, or that he's 37. Those are just things that are part of him, just like how Ah Beng has six fingers and Ah Seng has an amputated knee.

If Ah Lian and Ah Huay who are in the relationship with Ah Beng and Ah Seng can accept those traits, then good for them. But it seems to me like the rest of the world is really concerned about knowing how committed or how serious Ah Lian and Ah Huay are, just because the person they are dating is different from others.

So I just want to get it off my chest once and for all - this is no different from any other relationship I've had. I love him therefore I'll miss him when he's gone. We'll find every single website that offers web-SMS to SMS constantly. We'll be the first to know what changes MSN or Skype has made because we're using it so frequently. We'll be scrimping and saving every cent to meet each other as often as we can. We'll look for places in the world that can accomodate a German software engineer and a Singaporean dietitian.

But I'm not going to give up my career to be with him. He's not going to lose his pension just to accept a low paying job to be with me. I'm not even considering marriage until I finish my internship, have a few years of job experience under my belt and we're both in a country and position we want to be.

Whether or not we even have the same ideals, is still yet to be seen. I'm a traditional Asian who wants to have a big nest-egg by the time I retire. I believe in home ownership. I believe in having no (credit card) debts, even if I get a lower credit rating. I hate having overdrafts like an irresponsible college student. I hate a lifestyle that stretches my paycheck, even if I enjoy it right now.

So there. It's my life and I love to share it with you, but sometimes people ask so many questions and put so much strain, that I forget that this is a normal relationship...