One

9.51pm 19 Oct 2006 Thursday

I had to dig through all my godly possessions to find my SS card and just as I was cursing and swearing at myself for throwing it away accidentally, I found it amongst a pile of old correspondence.

How long should one keep letters? I could never bring myself to throw away some things: red packets (I came up with the idea that it was inauspicious to do so) and letters/cards from friends. So I had a ball of a time looking through all those letters and cards I had even forgotten about. Of course now I regret deleting 'Tis so completely, because it'd have been fun looking back and reading those entries.

But I digress. The post is named "One" to commemorate what else, but our first anniversary. It has been one long year, and I'm happy to say that I think it'll be the start of many years.

When H and I first started out, I was unsure about the whole relationship. Every other day I thought about giving up, something which I thought I had quit doing since I was 15. We quarrelled about big things like the relationship itself, and how we were communicating. And we quarrelled about small things like can-you-do-the-dishes-NOW.

We moved in together. I visited Germany in all its cold and (unusually) snowy glory and fell in love with the adorable cottages. You visited Singapore and together, we visited everything I grew up with, even the Zoo. Throughout this 1 year, we were in 5 different countries (Germany, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, USA), visited 11 different cities (Kiel, WHV, Frankfurt, Hamburg, Bangkok, Singapore, Bintan, Las Vegas, Prescott, San Francisco, LA) and even took 2 long haul flights together without breaking up. Not to mention competing together in 4 different competitions (Smash Bash, Mettendorf, UA, GCSG) and losing in all of them; and finishing a 5000 (??) piece jigsaw puzzle in a goggly-eyed-and-tiring week or so.

Then we moved apart, and for a while there, I relished my newly-regained independence so much, I envisioned being alone. And one day, it dawned upon me that I'm happy in the relationship with you. Without even realising it, I had stopped running. The distance made me realise how accepting you were of my shortcomings, and how well we matched each other like lock and key.

Sometimes the lock refuses to open even when you jiggle with the key for 15 minutes (reminds me of my bike lock during freshman year - it'll always not lock/ not unlock when I'm in a rush) but most of the time the well-oiled duo fit perfectly and open up to each other without as much of a pip squeak.

I know I still think of Jeremy, and how intense the feelings had been, and I compare those times to our vanilla existence. But you know, the more I think about the past, the more I realise how flawed memories can be. I see things clearer than before - that a relationship doesn't always present its prettiest self when you first approach it, but in time you'll catch a glimmer of its brilliance and in time, as you chip the rough exterior away, you'll be left with a jewel. But as with all jewels, it requires polishing and care and all that good stuff.

So there. Happy Anniversary my dear KKK/BR/SSS!