The classic fable spoke of an arrogant emperor who swaggered around town in his fancy new clothes- his birthday suit- after being lied to by the royal tailor. Everyone in his kingdom was too afraid to tell him the truth until an honest little boy blurted out, "But you're not wearing anything!".
That's how I felt after graduation, that I was a big hoax awaiting someone to unmask me, that I would wake up one day to realise that I didn't actually complete my credits. Now this nightmare doesn't seem as funny as the time Mikhaila told me about his fear of waking up to realise that he didn't actually finish his course and the architectural board was going to revoke his 10 year old licence.
Maybe that's why people go to graduate school - to graduate from their childhood into the real world. The more new-years I see whiz by, the more I wish I could still say that I'm a child who needs to be taken care of. Right now I'm functioning on autopilot while living in an underwater world, oblivious to the actual comings and goings of those ashore.
Today while unpacking I found some letters that reminded me of him. Then I thought of the question Mark asked me some years ago, "What would you do if one day you opened the door and found him standing there, wanting to revive the relationship?". At that time I told him that with my then-current mindframe, I'd say I would drop everything to try it out again with him.
So when I felt that familiar flurry of emotions again today, I asked myself that same question Mark had asked me, only to find that my response would be to gently shut the door without saying a word.
Your love and in loving you, I've slowly recovered without even realising it. Time and again you've proven to me what love was, what to expect, and what to give. Perhaps I might not feel the same way about you as I did him, but give me more time and one day I'm sure I'll start a new life, with you as the love of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment