Sometimes it's the small details that trigger memories.

5.25pm 20 July 2006 Thursday

The phone rang. I didn't recognise the emotion that was stirred up.

When you're expecting something, you programme your consciousness to recognise it in any situation. You scramble for whatever your unconscious mind tells you to, regardless whether or not you consciously know what you're doing, because it's the response you're trained to apply when you hear that sound. So you respond even when you least expect to hear it, when you're sleeping, when you're focussed on something else... you simply respond because it has been integrated into your entire being.

After etching a programme like that into your database and not using it for some time, you forget that it has already been hardwired into your brain and you receive an unexpected jolt when it's reactivated. Needless to say, this function isn't frequently used- not that you can tell yourself to deliberately do it or not.

The phone rang. It reminded me of the lonely nights I used to spend thinking about you, about why it didn't work out. That sudden ache in my heart had nothing to do with missing you- I don't- but the association I had with that sound.

mm.. But one day I'll completely erase it out.